Ode to Borrowed Internet and Wireless Keyboard

Ah Borrowed Internet. How do I love/hate thee? Let me count the ways:

The time I spend with you is long, too long. Yet, you are free.

You do not allow me to play any videos. Even one minute videos never ever load. Yet, you are free.

This post was originally titled, “Ode to Goodreads,” but then it wouldn’t load. Yet, you are free.

Sometimes the nebulous person off of whom I am mooching forgets to pay their bill and I am left in the lurch because I agreed to do something of which the internet was a vital part and I have to call my husband to get me because I don’t have time to walk to his work and get our car so I can get to Panera and I can assure people that, no, I am not really having trouble breathing, it’s just a medical simulation for a job I do. Yet, you are free.

One day I will no longer be the borrow-er. The day I get an agent is the day I become a borrow-ee.

Come, day! Come Internet! Oh day, day, day, day. Come, come, come, come!

Ode to Wireless Keyboard.

I love you with a passion deeper than the puddle of chai that was spilled on my old keyboard, rendering the spacebar useless.

You are the cute little answer to the bulky dinosaur once leashed to my mac.

Sometimes, though, my chai-addled computer doesn’t recognize you. It saddens my heart. “No bluetooth,” it says. I sigh and restart.

More often, a shadow of your profile fills my screen. “Connection lost,” it says and my soul weeps as I relentlessly pound a key until alzheimer-ridden synapses connect and bbbbbbbbbbbbb appears across the screen.

One day you will be retired, wireless keyboard. No longer will you be shunned by the very computer to which you are bound. You will be united with the tablet, whose young, vibrant bluetooth will rejoice in your partnership. A new laptop will hold your place on my desk, but it will not be a sad day. It will be the day I sell my book.

Come day! Come laptop! Oh day, day, day, day. Come, come, come, come!

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4 thoughts on “Ode to Borrowed Internet and Wireless Keyboard

  1. sonjus says:

    I love these odes!!
    Also – we just read ‘Trash’ for Book Club! It was long-listed for the Carnegie Award and one of our club members is a librarian who is on the Carnegie committee this year so she is the one who recommended it. Let me know what you think!

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